Early Morning Insight

I normally get up between 3:30 and 4A Monday and Friday, today I got up a little earlier.  But then again, that's not really why I'm writing...

So, I picked up my Bible this morning and just opened it.  It opened, of it's own accord, to Lamentations.  I was going to just flip through and find some nice story, and I figured I wasn't really in the mood for Lamentations anyway, but then I thought, "Heck, I've never read Lamentations, how would I know if I'm in the mood for it?  Besides, with my general attitude lately, it'll probably be pretty appropriate..."

Boy was I surprised.  It was opened to Lamenatations 3, and the helpful little section header in my lil NRSV reads, "God's Steadfast Love Endures".  "Hmmm..." thinks I, "... that doesn't seem to fit my general understanding of what Lamentations is all about."  Intrigued, I read.  The first 20 verses talk about being inflicted by God's wrath, about how much pain and suffering the author attributes to the hand of God.  Great imagery here:

[7]  He has walled me about so that I
            cannot escape;
        he has put heavy chains on me;
:
:
[10] He is a bear lying in wait for me,
        a lion in hiding;
[11] he led me off my way and tore me
            to pieces.
:
:
[13] He shot into my vitals
        the arrows of his quiver;
:
:
[17] my soul is bereft of peace;
        I have forgotten what happiness is;

"Brrrr..." thinks I.  "That about sums up how I feel 90% of the time."  But then verse 21 jumps up and smacks me in the face:

[21] But this I call to mind,
        and therefore I have hope:

"Hope?" thinks I, incredulously.  "I've (err.... I mean the author has) been trashed by God, run through the wringer, walled up, chained up, stalked and torn to pieces, shot in the heart so much so that I've (err.... I mean the author has) forgotten what happiness is!  How could I (err.... I mean the author) have hope?!?"

[22] The steadfast love of the LORD
            never ceases,
        his mercies never come to an end;
[23] they are new every morning;
        great is your faithfulness.
[24] "The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
        "therefore I will hope in him."

Through all this soul torment, the author clings to the certainty of God's love. With all the darkness, all the hurt, all the misery and humiliation, the author would rather look at the small ray of light, trusting that the source of that light is stronger than the darkness that has enveloped him.  I look at myself, and everything that my life is becoming, and realize that I'm getting comfortable with the darkness.  I enjoy the pain, and actually find myself turning away from the Light, and then wonder where God is in all of my misery.  DUH!  I feel convicted by what I've read this morning. "... his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning ..."  C'mon, Tom!  Wake up!  Look around, and see that ray of Light that is the love and mercy of God.  Accept this Light for the gift that it is.  It cuts through the darkness of my sin, my doubt, my failure, sets it in plain sight, but not to further humiliate me, rather to remind me that God is merciful.  He can and will clear up this darkness once I've decided to face this Light.  He wants me to be with Him, all I've gotta do is be willing to let Him take my darkness away...

Who'da thunk that reading Lamentations at 3A could be so uplifting?  Surely not I.

August 4, 2001

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